Not to police, nor to the doctor in charge of the
Syracuse Memorial Hospital emergency room or any of the nurses there, not
to Alan Savage, not to any of the Savages will Iris Courtney make any attempt
to explain why...what logic, what purpose, walking alone at night in a
neighborhood so far from her own, a part of her mind not numbed with
fatigue but brightly alert, even hopeful, imagining she's in Hammond
somehow...in Hammond, in Lowertown...the slow-smiling eyes, the bared teeth
glistening, Mmmmmmmmmm! hey girl! but you must never look,
it's dangerous.
She'll say, I didn't see their
faces.
She'll say, Yes they were
black but I didn't see their faces.
Walking at the curb on Tenth Street to avoid the
doorways, the mouths of alleys. Now the rain has stopped it's cold.
Her breath is steaming. There's a tavern brimming with noise and
warmth blinking MOLSON'S in
the window where black men stand at the bar
in a haze of smoke and someone calls, whistles, dances after her...but
she doesn't look...it's dangerous. Iris Courtney's studied, slightly
swaying walk and her loose arms suggest she's drunk or drugged but her
eyes are fully open, bright, intelligent - don't talk to me, don't approach
me, don't touch me - and for several blocks she makes her way unimpeded
like a dreamer in a charmed landscape until at Oswego
Street and West Avenue a car with a noisy muffler cruises through the
intersection, skids to a stop, backs up like a comically agitated insect...its
rear hiked, its back tires luridly exposed. A black
boy's head emerges from the driver's window and there's a soft-sliding
call, "Hey: you looking for a ride?"
Iris stares at the pavement before her. Murmurs,
"No...no, thanks."
"Say what, honey? Huhhhhhhhh?" And,
louder: "You looking for a ride?"
The car, filled with young black men in their late
teens, early twenties, is noisily idling in the street, spewing out clouds
of exhaust. It's a holiday! You can feel it! From the
car radio rock music blasts and all the boys are talking at once, there's
a car door flung open, long long legs spring out, black-sneakered feet
enormous as clubs. Iris Courtney turns quickly to walk in the opposite
direction but somehow it happens (she blinks: he's there) one of them is
on the sidewalk grinning, blocking her way
basketball-style...and when she turns like a trapped animal there's
another, gangly limbed and antic, reefer-happy,
blocking her way...so she's transfixed, thinking, Don't struggle, don't
resist, then they won't kill you - but when the playful black boys grab
her and drag her into the backseat of the already moving car she loses
control, she's weeping and hysterical suddenly, screaming, kicking, pummeling
with her fists...sprawled helplessly and gracelessly across their laps,
three of them jammed in the back as the car guns off, tires squealing,
and there's wild laughter as their hands run over her in amazed delight,
fingers deft and hard, there's a smell of sweet-acrid smoke and cheap wine
and they're grabbing her breats, squeezing, sticking their fingers into
her, into her crotch, she's panicked, squirming like a maddened eel, screaming
and sobbing...even as her consciousness detaches itself
from her struggling body floating and suspended voiceless above it as if
she has already died.
But she hasn't.
Back to the rationale.