Success and Survival Guide

WHAT IS ACQUAINTANCE RAPE? It is the act of forcing sex on a woman perpetrated by someone she knows. He may be a friend, a classmate, a fellow dorm resident, or even her boyfriend. Often, acquaintance rape is a premeditated act. The perpetrator sets up the situation and ignores the woman’s protests. Generally, he denies guilt and responsibility afterwards.

WHY SHOULD FEMALE STUDENTS BE CONCERNED ABOUT ACQUAINTANCE RAPE AND ASSAULT? College women are the most likely group to become victims of acquaintance rape and sexual assault in our country. The emotional consequences can be very serious and long lasting. Victims feel traumatized, frightened, distrustful of people and hesitant to form new relationships. They may develop sexual problems and fears regarding intimacy that persist for the rest of their lives. Physically women are exposed to the possibility of becoming pregnant or contracting herpes, AIDS, and other sexually transmitted diseases.

WHY SHOULD MALE STUDENTS BE CONCERNED ABOUT ACQUAINTANCE RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT? Most men are not rapists. They are good guys who want to have healthy relationships with women. Unfortunately, not being a rapist is no longer enough. Men must make it clear to other men that they will not tolerate their friends, classmates, sisters and girlfriends being sexually abused. Men as well as women must take responsibility for making the campus community safe for everyone.

WHY DOES ACQUAINTANCE RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT OCCUR?

• It often occurs in conjunction with alcohol or drug use.
• Some men still believe that when a woman says “no”, she doesn’t really mean it.
• Some men still believe that it’s O.K. to use manipulation, coercion, or force to get what they want from women.
• Some men still believe that women want to be forced to have sex.
• Some men still deny that they are really inflicting pain on women.
• Some men still believe that they are not responsible for their behavior when they are high or intoxicated.
• Some women still believe they “owe” a man sex in exchange for his paying for a date.
• Some women still believe that they have to give in to a man’s demand for sex.
• Some women are unwilling to take responsibility for their own safety.

HOW CAN ACQUAINTANCE RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT BE PREVENTED?

Women Should:

• Express their desires clearly, directly and assertively.
• Be sober and clearheaded around males you don’t know well.
• Get away from males that seem threatening.
• Go out on group or double dates with males you don’t know well.
• Avoid secluded places with males you don’t know well.
• Have your own money or transportation on dates with males you don’t know well.
• Reject stereotypes that define females as passive and helpless and males as aggressive and dominant.

Men Should:

• Discuss your sexual intentions and get clear consensus.
• Not assume that a woman being alone with you means she wants sex.
• Not assume that previous sexual contact means automatic permission now.
• Be aware of the impact of alcohol in your behavior.
• Know that you are fully responsible for your behavior even when you are intoxicated.
• Accept that “no” means “no”.
• Never use manipulation, coercion or force in order to have sex.

WHAT CAN MEN AND WOMEN DO TOGETHER TO PREVENT ACQUAINTANCE RAPE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT?

• Regard each other as friends instead of adversaries.
• Demand decent behavior from everyone in the campus community.
• Create your own programs for dealing with sexual assault awareness and prevention, including the impact of drugs and alcohol.
• Create your own programs for helping male and female students understand each other better.
• Reject stereotypes that harm both males and females.
• Create a community of trust.

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU ARE THE VICTIM OF ACQUAINTANCE RAPE OR OF A SEXUAL ASSAULT?

• Get help immediately
• Go to a hospital, a rape crisis center or a physician's office.
• Inform campus authorities and the police even if you do not press charges. Men who rape usually rape again;
• your information can help past or future victims of the same man who are pressing charges.
• Consider pressing charges. This person is not your friend. He is a rapist. You can help to stop him from hurting other women.
• Get counseling to talk out your feelings now and to prevent long-term psychological problems in the future.
• Do not blame yourself.
• Do whatever you need to do to stop being a victim and start being a survivor.

HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT A FRIEND WHO HAS BEEN A VICTIM OF ACQUAINTANCE RAPE OR OF A SEXUAL ASSAULT?

• Get her to a medical facility.
• Help her get other support (from an R.A., counselor, police and student health services).
• Let her talk it out.
• Don’t blame her.
• Preserve her confidentiality.

Resources:

Your Resident Advisor........................................633-2336
Iona College Counseling Center...........................633-2038
Campus Safety and Security...............................633-2245
Office of Student Development............................633-2360
Health Services....................................................633-2548
Victims Assistance Services of Westchester.... 345-3113
24-hour Rape Crisis Helpline ..............................345-9111
New Rochelle Police Department........................ 654-2300
Sound Shore Medical Center.............................. 632-5000