Success and Survival Guide

Scope Of the Problem

• The U.S. Surgeon General ranks abuse by husbands and partners as the leading cause of injuries to women ages 15 to 44
• Statistically, one in four American women will be assaulted by a partner or ex-partner in her lifetime, regardless of race, ethnicity, socio-economic status or profession
• 2 million women are battered every year, one every 16 seconds
• Battering accounts for at least one half emergency room admissions for women
• Physical and psychological abuse are major reasons why women attempt and commit suicide
• 42 % of female homicide victims are killed by their partners or former partners at a rate of at least 1500 women annually
• People in unhealthy relationships suffer constant stress and anxiety, which compromises their health, erodes their self-esteem, and undermines their academic and vocational functioning

Factors That Contribute To Unhealthy Relationships

• Control and dominance are the key issues
• One or both partners were emotionally and/or physically abused or neglected as children
• Abusers typically witnessed abuse perpetrated by a role model
• Both partners were not exposed to positive healthy relationships while growing up
• Both partners do not have healthy role models for sharing affection, managing conflict, or being respectful of one's partner
• Our media continues to portray females as sexual objects, victims, and as unworthy of respect
• Our media continues to expose us to unhealthy, manipulative, confused, disrespectful and violent relationships
• Our culture continues to condone disrespect, manipulation and abuse of women
• Our culture continues to "train" males to be dominant, in control, and sexually/ physically aggressive
• Some campus subcultures, especially Greek Life and athletic teams, are particularly susceptible to perpetuating the disrespect and victimization of females and the glorification of physical, sexual and psychological aggression
• Our culture sometimes continues to blame women for their victimization by suggesting that women are "asking for it" by provoking their partners to violence
• Extensive use of drugs and alcohol on campus tends to contribute to negative and aggressive interpersonal behavior
• Adolescents and young adults are reluctant to confront peers about negative interpersonal behavior
• Our culture pressures young people to be in and stay in romantic relationships; being "alone" is not viewed as being equally valuable
• Couples can "get hooked" on the drama of their unhealthy, chaotic relationship, which makes it difficult to extricate themselves
• On the campus, students sometimes stay in relationships for fear of continuously running into ex-partner after a break up, especially with new partners
• On the campus, unhealthy relationships are sometimes not taken seriously enough to warrant professional help

What Can You Do on the College Campus?

• Recognize signs of unhealthy relationships, such as unexplained bruises and injuries, chronic depression, low self-esteem, anxiety and jumpiness, excessive concern about displeasing a partner
• Take seriously reports you hear about students who are in unhealthy relationships
• Educate students about the signs, risks and consequences of being in unhealthy relationships
• Be willing to confront students about their unhealthy relationships and to talk to them frankly about the consequences of staying in the relationship
• Don't judge victims of unhealthy relationships; there are probably very deep and powerful dynamics that contribute to their being in this relationship
• Be willing to refer students who are in unhealthy relationships for counseling
• Participate in campus-wide or community-based programs that address abusive and unhealthy relationships
• Encourage males on campus to become active in preventing psychological and physical abuse of women and in fostering respect for women
• Help to create a campus culture in which being alone is clearly preferable to being in an abusive relationship

Prepared by: The Iona College Counseling Center, Spellman Hall, 633-2038