How to Minimize Family Conflict at Your Holiday Gatherings

Iona’s Marriage and Family Therapy director offers helpful tips – with affordable counseling available to the public for those in need of support

December 14, 2023

New Rochelle and Bronxville, N.Y. —Holiday family gatherings often have the potential for conflict, especially when conversations turn to current events or if loved ones are not mindful about how they address each other. It doesn’t have to be that way, however, and there are strategies to help ease the tension. 

Dr. Christiana Ibilola Awosan, a licensed relationship therapist and program director of the Marriage and Family Therapy program at Iona University, asks families to remember five harmony tips at holiday gatherings:

• Handle your conversations with care.
• Communicate clear expectations and respect the expectations of others.
• Focus on curiosity over criticism.
• Understanding is better than justification: work on behalf of your relationship.
• The problem is the problem, not the person. Validate the redeemable quality of your family member.

“There is a way in which people get into conversations and they talk just to argue, not really to listen or understand where the other person is coming from,” Dr. Awosan said. “We are stuck on our point without focusing on the fact that we have relationships with other human beings, and we need to handle the way in which we talk to them with care.”

Iona Family Therapy Center 

Families that need help managing conflict can also receive support at the Iona Family Therapy Center, a nonprofit center on Iona’s campus in Bronxville, N.Y., home to the NewYork-Presbyterian Iona School of Health Sciences. 

Graduate students from the University’s Marriage and Family Therapy program offer affordable counseling under the supervision of licensed marriage and family therapists. 

Using a Family Systems approach, the Center’s therapists-in-training help clients achieve their goals in a supportive, sincere and culturally affirming environment. Therapists work with families, couples and individuals to address conflict, marital issues, oppositional defiance, and coping skills, among other issues.

Dr. Awosan conducts national and international trainings and seminars on issues of related to understanding sociocultural trauma such as racial trauma on the mental, emotional, and relational lives of people of color. Her research focuses on diversity, inclusion, and social justice.

To learn more or schedule an appointment, email IFTC@iona.edu or call (914) 633-2418. Appointments are generally arranged within 24 hours. Please note, the IFTC will be closed from December 22 through January 1 for winter break.

ABOUT IONA
Founded in 1940, Iona University is a master's-granting private, Catholic, coeducational institution of learning in the tradition of the Edmund Rice Christian Brothers. Iona's 45-acre New Rochelle campus and 28-acre Bronxville campus are just 20 miles north of Midtown Manhattan. With a total enrollment of nearly 4,000 students and an alumni base of more than 50,000 around the world, Iona is a diverse community of learners and scholars dedicated to academic excellence and the values of justice, peace and service. Iona is highly accredited, offering undergraduate degrees in liberal arts, science and business administration, as well as Master of Arts, Master of Science and Master of Business Administration degrees and numerous advanced certificate programs. Iona students enjoy small class sizes, engaged professors and a wide array of academic programs across the School of Arts & Science; LaPenta School of Business; NewYork-Presbyterian Iona School of Health Sciences; and Hynes Institute for Entrepreneurship & Innovation. Iona is widely recognized in prestigious rankings, including The Princeton Review’s 2024 national list of “The Best 389 Colleges” and The Wall Street Journal/College Pulse’s “2024 Best Colleges in America,” which ranked Iona at #66 in the nation overall and #8 in the nation among Catholic schools. Iona’s LaPenta School of Business is also accredited by AACSB International, a recognition awarded to just six percent of business schools worldwide. In addition, The Princeton Review recognized Iona’s on-campus MBA program as a “Best Business School for 2023.” Iona also offers a fully online MBA program for even greater flexibility. In July 2021, Iona announced the establishment of the NewYork-Presbyterian Iona School of Health Sciences, which is now principally located on Iona’s Bronxville campus in collaboration with NewYork-Presbyterian. Connecting to its Irish heritage, the University also recently announced it is expanding abroad with a new campus in County Mayo, Ireland. A school on the rise, Iona officially changed its status from College to University on July 1, 2022, reflecting the growth of its academic programs and the prestige of an Iona education.